I Didn't Say It

Chris Murphy, Democratic Senator from Connecticut, during a Senate hearing reviewing the powers of the president to order a nuclear strike:

"We are concerned that the President of the United States is so unstable, is so volatile, has a decision-making process that is so quixotic, that he might order a nuclear weapons strike that is wildly out of step with U.S. national security interests."

Seriously. We need to stop the Fat Bastard before he gets his idle feelings hurt and drops a bomb on someone … literally!

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Sandy Rios, Fox bimbo and Hate Group, the American Family Association, radio host, defending child rape:

“Honestly, do you think there’s a person alive on the planet—certainly, I’ll limit it a little bit, I will say any man listening to my voice—that doesn’t have something in his past, in his box of secrets, that he’s ashamed of sexually? Especially, let’s just say, beginning in the ‘60s. I mean, look I’m not excusing—I’m just saying if a person can be destroyed over something he did 37 years ago that was wrong and sinful? Where did we get to point where the standard for Christians is that there is never been anything ever? That they’ve lived a perfect life? I just don’t understand that.”

Um, Sandy, you idiot, Moore didn’t steal a candy bar thirty-seven years ago; he sexually assaulted a minor, and has been accused of sexually assaulting other women as well.

Those are not little secrets that we all have, well, maybe except for Roy Moore, and perhaps you?

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Mitch McConnell, GOP lapdog from Kentucky and Senate Majority Leader, admitting he "misspoke" when he said that "nobody in the middle class is going to get a tax increase":

"I misspoke on that. You can't guarantee that absolutely no one sees a tax increase, but what we are doing is targeting levels of income and looking at the average in those levels and the average will be tax relief for the average taxpayer in each of those segments."

'I misspoke' is the new ‘I lied.’ And McConnell lies every single time his little turtle yap flaps.

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Mo Brooks, GOP Congressman from Huntsville, Alabama, sticking with Roy Moore because of the conservative agenda:

“America faces huge challenges that are vastly more important than contested sexual allegations from four decades ago. Who will vote in America’s best interests on Supreme Court justices, deficit and debt, economic growth, border security, national defense, and the like? Socialist Democrat Doug Jones will vote wrong. Roy Moore will vote right. Hence, I will vote for Roy Moore.”

There you have it, Alabama, one of your own elected officials is putting the GOP agenda ahead of a sexual predator because, I’m guessing, being a sexual predator is okay as long as you get a conservative on the bench somewhere?

Hey Mo? Fuck off.

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Winona Ryder, on being bullied in high school and then meeting one of her bullies years later:

“I was wearing an old Salvation Army shop boy’s suit. As I went to the bathroom I heard people saying, ‘Hey, faggot.’ They slammed my head into a locker. I fell to the ground and they started to kick the shit out of me. I had to have stitches. The school kicked me out, not the bullies … Years later, I went to a coffee shop and I ran into one of the girls who’d kicked me, and she said, ‘Winona, Winona, can I have your autograph?’ And I said, ‘Do you remember me? Remember in seventh grade you beat up that kid?’ And she said, ‘Kind of.’ And I said, ‘That was me. Go fuck yourself.'”

Bravo! Sure, the girl might have felt remorse for what she’d done, but she didn’t feel stitches and kicks; she didn’t feel “kicked out of school” and she didn’t feel home-schooled for a year because the school tolerates bullies but not the bullied.

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E.W. Jackson, a “Christian” radio host, supporting pedophile Roy Moore:

“You don’t ever want to give these leftists another head to mount on their mantel. They’re head-hunters, they like to destroy people, they like to destroy Christian conservatives, particularly. They’re filled with hatred and animosity and they love killing folks. I’m serious, folks. I think a lot of ’em would kill people physically if they thought they could get away with it. But they can’t, for the most part; they don’t want to go to jail so what they do is they try to kill people metaphorically, destroy them, destroy their reputation, destroy their career, destroy their livelihood, just make them suffer. That’s the kind of hatred they have for people of my ilk.”

Um, excuse me, douchebag? I don’t hate Christians. I hate pompous gasbags who molest little girls them hide because their so-called faith; I hate conservatives who work against LGBT rights but tap their toes in men’s room stalls looking for a handie; I hate Christian conservatives who spew their own values as a kind of moral code while their screwing another man’s wife.

And as for you, douchebag, let’s take a peek into your past … like when you said God will punish people who voted for trans lawmaker Danica Roem; like when you blamed the Charleston shooting on The Gays and Obama; like when you said Christians must b willing to die to stop marriage equality; like when you petition to legalize LGBT discrimination; like when  you work to make being gay a crime.

Clearly, you’re the one filled with hate, asshat.

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Armie Hammer, saying he had a transformative experience playing Oliver in Call Me By Your Name and saying he “fell in love” with his director Luca Guadagnino:

“I’ve never had such an emotional journey with a director. I’ve never even considered directors to be emotional people! I don’t even know if I’ve worked with a director who even cared if I was mad at them before. It was more like, ‘Shut up and stand on your mark and do your job.’ [As we finished production] everybody was sort of lashing out because this thing was ending and nobody wanted it to. Honestly, I think I had fallen in love with Luca.”

Well, I don’t know about falling in love with Luca, but if Armie Hammer said he’d fallen in love with me ::: swoooooon::: it would never be over!

Just sayin’.

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Luca Guadagnino, Hammer’s director, on their inevitable “breakup”:

“For reasons that could be personal to Armie, I had the feeling that he was pulling away. The movie wasn’t finished, and I had to bring him back. For me to make a movie, it’s really creating a family. Having a very profound familial bond with the people I’m doing the movies with, where you literally and constantly fall in love with all of them. Sometimes, this emotional flow can be very intense. Very! As it was with Armie. And then it can be very complicated.”

Lucky bastard.

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Seth Meyers, on the “dumbest” _____:

“While [President] _____ is focused on bragging about his endurance, back here at home, his inner-circle is dealing with yet more information about potential involvement in Russian election meddling. And you’ll never guess which _____ family member is once again mixed up in all of it– I’ll give you a hint. He has the same name as a famous idiot.”

Nope, we were all wrong; it wasn’t Eric, it’s Junior who is The Dumbest _____. And in that family, that’s saying a lot!

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