I Ain't One To Gossip But .... A 'Stupid Girl' Edition

Oh Lindsay, why do you speak off-the-cuff? You're a line-reader; you should not be talking, Tweeting, Instagramming; nothing.

Remember her tweet to Obama after this Tweet from him:

“I’ve cut taxes for those who need it: middle-class families, small businesses.”

Lohan tweeted back:

“@BarackObama we also need to cut them for those that are listed on Forbes as “millionaires” if they are not, you must consider that as well.” 

I know! And now she’s wading into the waters of politics again, only this time into Brazilian presidential politics. Tweeting this:

“I support @aecioNeves, for presidential candidature [sic]. His platform brings positive changes in Brazil.”

Lohan says she has a good reason for supporting Neves because her “Brazilian contacts” like the guy and — “she has plenty of contacts there and has several business trips to the country.”

What Lohan failed to mention is that Neves owns a company that owns a helicopter that was seized by the federal police because it was carrying 4.5 tons of cocaine.

Oh. Cocaine. Lohan. I get it now.

Bruce Jenner so graciously revealed his new girlfriend — his soon-to-be ex-wife's former bestie — this past week, and since That Woman is not to be outdone, ever, she trotted out her own new love interest at once!

Kris Jenner has been spotted out and about with the dude who is said to be her newest acquisition, er, boyfriend, and he’s none other than Corey Gamble, who works with Scooter Braun who is part of Justin Bieber’s team.

Expect a sex tape with That Woman and that little boy soon, because that’s how those two roll.

Or maybe it’s a set-up so That Woman can keep her name out there, because Cory Gamble said this about the photos:

“I don’t know how anyone had those pics because no one was seated across from us. That worries me and I’m hoping it’s not a setup from Kris because I do really like her.”

Kris Jenner? Set up a photo op? Why, I can’t believe it!

So, Bruce and Demi’s daughter, Rumer Willis. Well, she’s not what you might call a classic beauty, but, you know, she must have “something” because designer Franziska Fox hired Willis for her 2015 lookbook.

You’d think Rumer would be thrilled for the job, but when the photos came out she’d been photoshopped to within an inch of her chin and is now saying:

“I think I would have felt very differently if I was a model who was hired to be a part of the brand. I get that there are certain things they want to change or whatever. But, if you’re hiring me to be a representative of your brand and you’re changing who I am – like drastically changing how I look [while] everybody knows how I look [by] taking away the muscle. I just thought it was odd, you know? My stylist told me about it and I was like, ‘Well, that’s fucked up.’ Then I immediately called my manager and said, ‘You know, this is unacceptable, because that’s not what I want to put out in the world and what I want to represent anyway.’”

First off: Rumer Willis isn’t a model? I’m devastated because … okay, I kid. Still, she’s upset about what they did to her face? Look what they made her wear!

That’s a travesty.

More Lohan … Lindsay has been starring in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow over there to London town and it’s been a rocky ride, what with her not knowing her lines, or her cues, or the audience openly laughing during her performance.

But now this … While Lohan’s much-hyped stage debut garnered a lot of press, and a huge audience at the beginning, now tickets for the play are on deep discount, nearly half off, according to ads in the papers:

“Save 50% on tickets to ‘Speed-the-Plow’ starring Lindsay Lohan. Top price seats were £59.50, now just £29.75, saving you 50% when you book by Saturday,”

And some tickets can be had for $24.00! Why, that’s not enough to keep the star in vodka for more than half an hour.

And then, oddly enough, with ticket prices falling faster than her career, Lindsay  Tweeted that she couldn’t make the night’s performance because she was too “ill.”

Uh huh.

Remember a few years back when Kanye showed up at the MTV Video Awards with the bottle of brown juice on the Red Carpet? And then he stole the microphone away from Taylor Swift so he could publicly kiss Beyoncé’s ass? I kinda liked him then, because anyone who can take the spotlight off that Auto-tuned-Aw-Shucks-Gee-Whiz-Who-Me-Can’t-Sing kewpie doll is okay in my book. But this isn’t about those tools; it’s about the tool who married the tool who brought the brown juice to the show, Kim Kardastrophe.

Kim is tired of not being taken seriously — after all she’s Mister Kanye West — and she is now blaming her “reality” show for putting a negative connotation on all she has accomplished; in the words of the immortal Barbara Walters, “Wet’s wisten in ….”

“I pride myself with my work ethic, and I work really hard. I think when people hear that I might have gotten success off of a ‘reality show,’ they take that as a negative. We’re in our tenth season. We have more episodes than ‘I Love Lucy.’”

A-a-and we’ll stop. She’s comparing herself to Lucy? Seriously? I don’t remember exactly how Lucy got the role on her iconic comedy show that has been airing around the world from some sixty-plus years, but I’m sure it wasn’t because she  released a tape of herself flat on her back, heels to God, being schtupped by one of Desi Arnaz’ roadies.

But she doesn’t stop there y’all …

“I wake up every single day at 6 am, and go to the gym, get my daughter up, feed my baby, film all day, sometimes don’t finish until 8 or 9 pm, and that’s every single day, six days a week, for five months straight while we’re filming … I don’t think reality TV gets the respect it “

A-a-and we’re stopping again. She.Works.Hard. She has to go to the gym! She has to wake up her own child!! She has to walk around, dragging that enormous ass, while cameras follow her! She gets paid $500,000 by Tao nightclub in Vegas to appear at her own birthday party!

It looks like Kimmie has been nipping at the brown juice, too.